Last summer when I collapsed in my hallway. I was helpless. Couldn't even crawl. In time I felt systems re-booting. My life went on days go by. I didn't fear this might be my end. For reasons uncertain I never feared that. However, being helpless...

My Ma as part of her death spiral endured a stroke. Helpless...totally. The cruelty. Still, they insisted on using their machines to continue her suffering. For fear of losing her we let them. She just wanted to come home so she could pass in peace. This was a great lesson from her for which I'm grateful.

Dignity over survival.

Years ago, when it seemed I might cancer. I agreed to invasive testing. However, I told them if they found something I was going home. I wanted no part of their slow death rituals. Just wanted pain management and a ride home. I was told this was an unhelpful attitude. I replied: "...for who?"