I have found it does not has never, and will in my lifetime ever matter who I am or what I have tried to make of myself. It will never matter that I strive to be a good thoughtful kindly humorous soul. After all only people do that. I am, and will always be to nearly every white,...an entity a thing not a human being. A threat not just another person walking down the street. An object of contempt, and dismissal as a matter of course. 

That was is, and will remain the truth for the rest of my life, and for a very long time,
...a very very long time after I'm gone. 
White America has done something somewhat rare in tribal warfare. 
They have institutionalized on an industrial level,...the routine destruction of Human Souls.

A sad bitter half Moon.

This over our virus wasted 

vicious divided republic.

“…helter skelter”

I was downtown Brooklyn during events around the Floyd murder. I was just there shopping, but things happened. It was chaotic. A police car  rammed the crowd. This was a block from me. No good comes of any of this for any side. Feelings of powerless hurt misdirected rages. Then everyone goes home. Authorities promise change, and we forget till next time. Though history never repeats ‘exactly’. There’s the chance times being unique something different might happen.

Comments from FB,…

Karen Price: I hope you’re okay.

Di Burns: It must have been a real shock…
We are seeing a lot of it on the other side of the world in news updates as it happens day and night. They said this morning that there are protests in 75 cities or something. That’s great, but not when the outrage is deliberately whipped up by ugly right-wing forces that want chaos and civil war.

I know a lot of them must be quiet passive protests with signs, as a friend was involved in one, but yes, we saw those police cars driving into people and knocking them over. We’ve heard about shootings, bashings and horrible injuries in protesters, observers, even a child, and police. We’ve seen the disguised white operative under a black umbrella vandalizing store windows and others starting fires to stir things up, no doubt from some right-wing group, and we’ve seen non-African Americans looting stores.

All this is happening when the virus is still so active and out of control there. So many infections if not more deaths will come from those participating in these protests, even the quiet ones, as they aren’t social distancing, and in the police and bystanders involved in them.

Basically we’re watching the utter disintegration of a failed country. No technologically brilliant launch of a spaceship can help disguise the uniquely American problems that see the un-United States despised and pitied by the rest of the sane world.

Sidney Smith: Truth be told part of me knows that people want meanness cruelty, and viciousness,…it’s fun. They want blood. Many revel in this.
The reptile brain stem seems to rule.
Some few aren’t wired for this.
They just exist quietly propping up a failing civilization.
One in which the arts of literacy self examination, and asperation dies before their eyes.

Di Burns: We are all lizard people when we’ve had too much to bear. Look at how China is responding to the many protests over a long period of time in Hong Kong. The heavy boot of authoritarianism gets called in to quell dissent, and we’ve seen that already in the American protests.

The problem with riots is that the people can’t win against the stronger forces of the reactionary powers of the state.

Also, too many people are rushing in to put their bodies where their mouths are and breaching the health restrictions seemingly without caring, and that’s a worry.

Sidney Smith: These days are going to cost many their health some their lives. Tho’ I more than understand the passion not to care much at the moment…though they please gawd should.

Sidney Smith: I don’t know what happens now. Making a map of what’s going on. A vast deadly Pandemic…our head of state manipulating his followers to ignore it. Yet it will infect, and kills some. The ongoing race war which has again flared bright red. A collapsed economy. As many unemployed as the Great Depression. China daring #45 to do shit about it’s grabbing Hong Kong, and likely invading Taiwan. The near ending of the rule of law at the federal level. This above are just the highlights nationally. the world is a burning dumpster fire flying through the air at the speed of sound. Add in a hatefully divided population…one that has large numbers wanting what they call a “defensive genocide” against any, and all dark skinned people. I know I’ve left plenty out, but as I say these are the milder highlights. I’m voting Biden,…tho’ honestly he’s not my idea of any sort of Champion to save our butts. He might put out the worse fires  or at least control them. If there’s still an election this Fall,…fucking Vote like ya life depends on it…because it does.

Sidney Smith

I’ll be moving this nightmare to my blog later…I had no intention of upsetting anyone.

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• Active Now Di Burns: I think it’s okay. People need to express themselves, as you do especially. I’m just angry and fed up with the unbelievable amount of cruelty and irrational stupidity going on by those who run your country.

This is something I posted on a Spirit FB page last winter. I repost it now because I think it touches on the urge the feeling we all have especially now to feel, and do good...what's right.

It goes,..."I just saw a post about an administrator in favor of cutting food stamps, and doing away with Obamacare. Then I saw an interview with someone like her. Not her, but from her mindset. The guy was also a public figure of sorts. He said he didn't understand the reality of what he was doing to people.
To poor, and needy people. It was just number crunching, and an attitude of "I got mine."

He changed.
I don't recall what he said did it. However he began seeing the numbers as people with lives stories hardships, and hopes. He found compassion. Such as this seems to happen. perhaps more than we know. I wish we could hear about it more often. As a child the Nuns told us that with such transformations the Angels sing all over Paradise."

Forgive me If I'm not being pulled into the latest killing of an unarmed Black person. 

I've seen this before. Many many times.

It always ends the same.

Hand wringing pleas that it must change sorry for the dead.

In a few day we'll move on, and forget any of this happened.

Like last time.

Remember when you couldn't go online without seeing a phone video of an unarmed Black being beaten or usually shot point blank dead.

If you're my age you remember when Niggers like me were actually lynched to no mention or caring.

As I said on another comment.
I remember times of our cities burning, and tanks in the streets.

Then like now, and 100 years ago.
The routine murder of dark skinned people by white skinned people is okay. 

The age didn't matter either. Nor see above the gender.

In recent years an 86 year old Black man in Augusta,...an 11 year old Black boy in Detroit. 
All shot dead by white cops. ...the usual.

This is not my problem to ponder.
It's white people's crimes to repent, and make good on.

Which they never will because,...they don't have to.

I was 68 the last time policemen roughed me up.
I was shoved about, and had a gun held on me.
This for leaving the library one winter's evening while Black.

The first time that I was grabbed by white cops was in 1957. 
My Ma sent me to the store for bread...Wonder bread I remember,...and milk for my then baby sister.

I was six.

There was a purse snatching. 
I was Colored I was available...so I must have done it,...six.

So please be outraged it seems to make you feel better.

Me I'm just waiting for my turn to come again.

Meantime I dream of other realities,...ones with gentle loving beings,...especially Faeries.

"...'Tis Almost Faerie Time."

"The Peaceable Kingdom"

"Two Boys Singing in Heaven"

I first posted this two or so years back. 

Some of you good comrades wanted to know 

when this was done, and by who.

I knew, but forgot.

I just remembered again.

This after remembering then forgetting again.

It was painted by Janis Rozentals.

A Latvian artist in the early 1900's.

Boys were a common romantic subject for paintings once.

In 28,000 years they might be again.

Well 26,000 if liberalization comes back.

The Emerald City,...Day 74.

100,000.

There should be memorial services online across this country today. Our head of state our governors our mayors should be consoling us. 

None of this is happening. 

It like the 100,000 dead are already in an old new cycle,...forgotten. 

We are separated by the Virus. We mourn alone. We are alone we are abandoned. That is the fact of it. I can't cheer this up or make it what it's not. This natural disaster has been politicized to further divide us. 

This is Hell. 

This is a uniquely American Hell.

I found this post from 2017.

This when we were going through another aftershock of our Civil War.

As ya notice we tend to do this.

It goes,...

"What to do with all that Confederate memorabilia sprouted all over the South."

Well...

Actually history is what it is. We learn from it. Put the Confederate flags, and statues within battle, and grave memorial sites, and leave it at that. It acknowledges the memory, but does not glorify it. Just banning them is culturally divisive, and gives all that material far more power than it really has or needs.

It's an assault many would feel on their identity. Many truly feel this.

You can't deny history. You can only acknowledge it, and learn from it. We learned that though the common Southern trooper did fight with great valor. (...even Obama said this.) Their cause was not worthy of them. (...he said that too.)

The common Southern soldier fought for his family, and home. However his government started the war to found a nation that they very specifically stated was based on Slavery...they said it. It's in the written record. All of the founders of the Confederacy said it plainly, and proudly...no getting around it. There it is in print in their words. Case closed. Now lets just get the hell on with the 21st bleeping century.

'Course like me in my Blue 9th U.S. Colored Calvary tunic. ( ...above.) If they want to wear the Grey...cool. Just keep the flags, and statues where they should be...at the memorials. ...and re-enactment fields.

Btw I remember when the Klan wanted to march in Harlem. This back in the extreme daze of the late 60's 70's. 'Course all hell broke out, and it never happen. Me I said at the time to universal condemnation that they should march. I mean this I 'had' to see. 

The reasoning at the time was that Civil Rights groups marched through their 'hoods. Soo they'll march in ours. This would have been a profoundly interesting event. ..if it happened. which it didn't. 

Turns out we were as intolerant they are...kinda.

'But if it did happen,...

Ideally everybody should have been friendly, and respectful to our "guests". Even though they had our blood on their hands,...human person to person as Dr. king asked us to be. Confront your enemy with patients, and kindness.

Worked in a way for that Gandhi guy. ...kinda.

Being the gleefully deranged peacenik that I still am. I hoped for conversations, and debates between the Kluxers, and Harlemites...all done over a great table of Bar-B-Q. That, and everybody goes home changed in their hearts having found out that we we're all just folks.

It is such dreams as this that might yet save this Republic.

203,569 cases of coronavirus in NYC, 

according to the
New York Times. As of today
20,740 people had died.

It's Memorial Day. We remember all the War dead of all the nations of all the Wars, them, and the so many COVID dead...or that's what we should be doing. You're suppose to remember them guys'n gals that got their arms legs balls faces, and tits shot off for you in past, and current war, and them dying in crowded under supplied pandemic hospitals today this moment.. 

The beer, and Bar-B-Q plus ignoring pandemic cautions isn't really the point of this.
Not them sales or fireworks neither. ...it's About Them.

The below is a FB rant of mine last year on the Memorial Anniversary.

Sidney Smith: The Russians with allied supplies won WW2. It also helped that Stalin never got around to shooting his best general,...Georgy Zhukov. If Normandy failed or never happened Russia would have finished Germany,...it would have taken an extra two or so years. They took the brunt of the Nazi war...they bled the most. 

They, and almost 'all' the Jews of Europe, and millions more in Poland which was made near extinct took the big hits. The Cold War land grabs was Russia making sure their land would never be a battlefield again. They made Eastern Europe subject client states to that end. This was never explained to us in school. 

That 26,000,000 Russians, 6 million Jews, and a further 6 million Poles were killed by Germany. 

So Russia in a brutal way built a buffer of states to take the punishment if there were another war. 
It wasn't right, but it would have explained why they did what they did. Other than they were just evil communists that didn't like Jesus. 
In reality they didn't want another 20 Million+ dead on their hands if there was yet another round. 
Their oppression of the East with two generations brutal puppet governments is part of that legacy. The 20th Century was the 2nd Hundreds Year War. 
The first in the 14th century ours the 2nd in the 20th from 1914 to 1991. 

From the Trenches of France to the final fall of the Soviet Union. 

We seem already at work on the Third.

Sidney Smith: The Russian betrayal of Poland...which I overlooked In my rant was part of Stalins pre-war plans regards Germany. 

He expected to fight them. 

However thought that Pact with Hitler would give him at least five years to get ready. ...not just one. 
The Russo Germanic destruction of Poland to Stalin was just a strategic detail. 

One hopes that Hitler Stalin Mao are the last of the Imperial Warlords. There were are, and will be 'local' genocidal generalissimo's. However perhaps no more continental personality cult Warlords. This since they're just so bad for business. 

The new Warlords are interlocking transnational corporations. The don't exterminate people they buy sell, and employ them. They sell us stupid useless junk we don't need or want, and make really bad movies. No more jack boots or weird flags. Just new apps, and cars that not only speak to us, but drive themselves too. 

If that isn't frightening I don't know what is.