"~\D/~"

"...Vortex"

I awoke to what our grand parents may have known winter as. It's 3f degrees. Frost on both sides of the windows. Snow still on the ground from yesterday's squall,...though I prefer Zephyr. Steam rising in the chilled air from the hot water spout. The sky a very deep, and sharp blue. The first morning in the Vortex.

Winter as it once was.

"...dumb as shit"

Btw ran into another person that sez snow proves there's no global warming. I didn't waste my time trying to explain that weather, and climate are different. Um,...the eye glazing effect.

The more complex our culture gets the more the masses are left out. A relative handful of educated tech, and mobs watching Jerry Springer, and voting republican.

Science is not taught nor history civics geography the basics. So by now there's maybe two going into three generations of scientifically illiterate.

They don't know shit, and don't wanna know shit. 

We're more, and more a high teched world. However in this country we're becoming a preindustrial peasant culture. A handful of horny nobles own everything grab your sons for wars, and fuck your daughters at will. Also there are a few monks that can read. 

...that's it.

Not the 21st Century any of us old fucks thought we'd see.

"First Snow January 30th" ...a tad late.

A brief Zephyr passed in front of the Arctic Vortex.

I wanted needed to stand in the white-out

of a Blizzard,...however brief it was.

It was wonderful. Thrilling. Like being in a snow globe.

This might be the last time I can do this.

So my heart was set on it.

*

The Vortex is here now.

The skies roar my windows tremble.

"...laugh"

'Was going to grind out a long screed on things,...bleep that. 
Try this instead.

We're born we learn we do we suffer, and or prosper we love laugh we teach we leave.

After that who knows.

"..tepid, & wet"

This has been such a warm winter. Mostly 50's sometimes above in NYC. This for the whole winter. No snow whatever either. Except for the late fall storm. There have been a few short cold bursts. One coming for two days or so this week. Then back the next day to late March. This is the part of Planetary Changes I find sad.

We've broken the actual Earth.

Yet few care or notice. They just rejoice at the "nice" weather. Eventually when the harvests fail, and the shops are empty they won't have a clue as to why.

"...habits"

No prophets artists or assorted holy folks are perfect. They'll all full of quiet agendas crappy habits mean to family crooks jerks, and so ultimately disappointing.
If they weren't these things, and worse they wouldn't be artists prophets or holy. They'd be Angels,...which we all know can be worse.

'But despite all that ya can't beat a good Hog Dog! ...w/fries.

"...fly"

I just want to climb into the sky, and fly.

"...wish"

How I wish Angels, and kindly Spirits were real. There all about us encouraging inspiring giving kindness, and happy dreams.
Imagine if this turned out to be real. We know so little. Our knowing is so fitful, and tiny.
What if despite tooth, and claw there was also Wonder, and Light.

Imagine.

"...fruit"

On being an Angel,...part time.
Angel is a verb not a noun. An act not a person. ...sort of.

These are hard times. Persons stand outside of markets asking for coins or food. One should give both if you can. I can no longer give money so food instead. When I shop I pick up a few extra things. Fruit canned goods. A few things to share outside the shop.

I've noticed a conspiracy of others doing the same. My family, and good friends have given to me. I give back in the way I can. We all must pass on the kindness.
Share what you can when you can where you can.

"~\B/~"

"Even Batman's had enough".

"~\F/~"

My fridge before I went all Zen, and cleaned everything off.. That 1975 Queer march button was done by artist Ralph Hall. He was a serious good pal, but was lost in the AIDS Pandemic with so many others. Had he lived you would have heard of him.

"...guise"

Statue arrested for gross public lewdness, and suspected illegal sexual overtones. The graven image name withheld because of age,...579. It being carved in approx. 1440~CE by the suspected pervert, and trouble maker one Mr. Donatello.

This shameless block of marble masquerading under the guise of so called "David" was discovered by authorities in a garden area of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Outrage greeted this horrifying discovery as the so called Museum's Board of Directors are being held for questioning.

Said the detective in charge Captain Squeezer Smutwadda, "...I don't know which was worse. It's coming or going!" The detective had to be assisted being overcome with the Vapors. This at the sight of such naked marble.

Remember,...If You See Something Say Something!"

"...soup to nuts"

I dream online.

Like all the needful Billions.

*

I also had soup.

"Lucy"

Oh gawd...just had a sugarless ice fruit pop, and seltzer. Boy did these do the job! After my journey to market,...bleeping gasping up them damned stairs. Shh,...don't tell anyone I got an ice cold Diet Pepsi too. Some of my docs said fine others had kittens saying no way!! A split decision,...so I'll just drink half.

However tonight I'll make a simple plain chicken filet stew thing with veggies tossed in for laughs. Just takes minutes. Hint never wander away while doing this,...this bleep burns fast. Hospital wants me back for routine check up,...fine I sez send transportation. I'm not able to travel that far.

I spoke to my visiting nurse. Sez she these guys have a time-table that often don't take the patients mobility into account. She suggested re-scheduling...yeah eventually.

Making phone calls even typing in my damned passwords is exhausting. This post which should haven take two minutes took over twenty. One letter one word at a time is the way. Btw not complaining about bleep...I'm alive others ain't. I just like writing. I'd rather bad prose than bad wars. 

Btw there's "Lucy" driving by above.

"...brave"

'Had a dream this afternoon,...I sleep asymmetrically. Dreams I saw many dreams happening at once. These projected 3-D in front of me.
If I touched one I was in it,...another I moved over to it.
I imagine there's computer games or simulations like this now.
"Oh Brave New World,..."

"...oh fuck this"

I feel like I'm under constant exposure to Red Kryptonite. Every shred of physical energy seems gone. Swell. I'm going out to market. ...and the library. Always an adventure. Now a kind of death march.

Bleep this.

Gang never take anything for granted especially ya health. Anyway I may treat myself to an iced fruit pop. Like the folks on Chemo get. 'Was puking my guts out all morning. These guys are giving me the most powerful anti-biotics on earth.

Eh,...thanks I think.

See above I've regressed to six months old...explains crapping myself.
If I don't die I'll write.

"Two Souls"

I was chatting with Justin a FB comrade about trannie folks. I've known Trans Souls throughout my life starting in fifth grade. That had to be 1961. My playmate across the street was so blessed. He suffered his whole life. Much of his family except for his sister was cruel to him. My mom protected him as much as she could given the customs then. He was over at our house often.


The kids on the block were for the times unusually cool. I mean he was just Joey. later in his 20's he took his life. I remember a few times he made me up. My mom said when she found us it was alright, "...but only in the house." My folks were in show business when young.  I had a relative that danced at the classic Cotton Club in Harlem. So they knew about folks in the life as it was called then.


Later being Queer I met more "Two Soul" folks as I wandered about. Two Souls the Native Peoples call them,...makes sense to me. In time a journalist friend with the radio station's newsroom where I worked made the transition. Them things the operations is complicated, and painful I hear. She's now a profoundly proud trans-Musician.

It's simple, "...Let folks be." (...Above Representative Wexton of Virginia placed the Trans Flag outside of her office. This in response to increased federal persecution of some of her constituents.)

"...nice guy"

A FB pal saw my model Sunderland flying boat below. He said his dad in WW2 flew Catalina flying boats.
I just happen to have a 1/72nd scale Catalina handy. Not his dad's...a Brit, but still.  I posted it for him.
hey I'm a nice guy. ...while I last.
A beautiful bird. ...despite the busted prop,...been meaning to get to that for last 8 years or so.
The scale models, and the real things were insanely BIG!

"...Balls"

Well I got up I 12:40 am to make dinner. 
My days are a bit off. Never sure of when, and where I am,..sort 'a. 

"Veggie Balls".  ...???!
I saw these figured what the hell. They might make the boiled paper I have to eat more interesting. Have no idea what these are. Likely harvested from the vast Veggie Ball plantations of Belize. 
These right next to the French Fry groves, and the Diet Pepsi natural springs.

I always wanted to take a tour of the fast food plantations of Central America. Burgers, and fried chicken on vines. Pastry bushes, and the beloved Root beer, and extra sugar Orange soda water falls.

Oddly all the natives are in the trim, and quite fit. Like all serious drug dealers they never sample the product...wise.

As for them Veggie Balls I tossed some into a lean chicken stew along with the usual mushrooms, and potatoes...I don't dare go farther than this. Well,....okay better than steamed mud. My usual diet. It's as advertised,...a ball of veggies un-spiced. 

I think these things are illegal in 23 States.

What I want is a triple cheese burger large bleeping fries, and a huge Coke with crushed ice, and a large apple pie...hot.

In my dreams.

Speaking of exit wounds. 
I've become expert at butt-hole sanitation. Another vastly unexpected, and horrifying skill age presents you with.

Old bleeps should give talks at middle schools. This to tell the oblivious "I'm never getting old can never be killed, and will live forever" kiddies what's coming for them.

...real soon.

That, and stay the hell away from Veggie Balls!

"Beatless"

My favorite tune these days. It's got no beat, and you can't dance to it at all.

"...flying boats"

So damned weak,...pisses me off. The meds burn through me like fucking Chemo. I'm bleeping shooting freely from both ends, and have the stamina of a bowl of noodles.

So of course sitting here I took a snap of whatever was handy.

This a model of a Brit WW2 flying boat.

A big old Sunderland Mk-III-A, 1944. 

Loves the old flying boats. 

There it is again in my bowl of boiled paper.

My dinner. Swell huh?

"Art in Flight"

A dream.

Venus de Milo tilted in the sands of Coney Island. 

David in front of the Flatiron Building. 

Tapestries hung from fire-escapes. 

The Pieta on a subway platform.

Animated Keith Haring's in the skies.
Jackson Pollock's hung from fences. Vermeer's in Synagogues.

An Annunciation fresco in my building's hallway.

"...rejoice"

Our Republic is in a state of grim ugliness.

Some rejoice @ this.

More are in resigned horror.

"Ponies"

A dream. I was caring for a child. Sometimes it was a girl sometimes a boy. This an aura of when I looked after my nieces, and nephews.

My little one sang, and as she did she dreamed ponies to life. 

They were there, but not. Small like collies they pranced about.
When they slept they vanished. With song, and dreams more would come. A happy misty dream.

"...snow"

It's 15f degrees outside of my kitchen window.

Yet they say rain later.

How is this possible?

*

Barbie above just Portaled to last August.

Me I may Portal to when January still had snow.

*

"A Day in the Life",...as it is now.

My life once full of such comings, and goings responsibilities dramas comedies, and some tragedies. Such has become so simple. 
Quiet even.
My sleep is asymmetrical. I woke @ an odd hour. Showered cleaned the bathroom the kitchen floor, and hung my sox on the radiator to dry.

That radiator that Santa has yet to emerge from.

I had apple slices nuts, and answered an overnight email from my old radio friend Sharon. She asks after my health, and post-op doings. She's a  dear pal. Made a shopping list,...I'm out of everything, and plan to go to the library as well.

My nurse is coming this afternoon.

My windows shudder with the Zero degree winds. Frost forms on my sills. Though still no snow here all winter.

I want a big snow just one. I want to fall asleep watching the snow then wake up to it watch more. Watch the swirling snow whipping at the trees.  Then sleep again.

This might be my last chance for this.

Took my meds which knocked me out. Good Nurse Perez woke me. She comes a few times a week to see if I'm still alive, and how the healing is coming.

So far so good.

I enjoy our visits. The only folks that actually see me at home now are medical techs that shovel me up for transport to hospital. Them, and folks from the City government that check on elders, and now visiting nurses.

They all comment on my digs. It's tidy, and Zen empty.

I hear from them that most folks live in some version of "Hoarders". ...or worse. We're a culture of acquisition. I think I was absent that day at class.

Nurse Perez left I took a nap, and all was well in my world.

Till I woke up checked my list of to do's,...I need that now. 
Got dressed for the Arctic, and went shopping,...library too. There, and back again...it's such an adventure now.
Got stuff, and borrowed two books plus a video. Which I may or may not read or watch.

Sat read more wrote some including this act of ego...hey it's my page. On Moon rise I took several shots, and posted them. Took more meds, and slept.

That's really all I do now.  Rinse,...repeat.

The upside I still live, and am mostly still in one piece. 
Though yes now I am very aware.
Aware of the so far unseen wings that daily brush me.

"~9f~"

9f degrees. The wind roars.

Brooklyn's Moon 3:47am.

Coming in, and out of the clouds.

"~M~"

I'm starting to dream again.  At least I'm remembering them again. These are consistent these dreams. 

I'm in a cold place,...so cold.
It's sometimes grey sometimes white or silver. I'm always        wrapped. Cocooned. I see my  self in 3rd person. Grey silver wrapped.

I'm not afraid. I'm not  anything. Just there again, and again.
A holding place?
A place before something else?

"~D~"

When in doubt play with your dolls.

Years ago I used to do "Glam" shots f my little pals.

When I recover I may do that again.

"...truth"

Passing the long healing by reading. I picked Walt Whitman. This some of our hero's prose.

The Civil War Journals.
His recounts of tending the lost, and wounded on the battle field, and military hospitals.
He spoke kindly to these souls, and gave little offerings. Fruit biscuits writing paper pencils even hard candies.

In particular he wrote letters home for those too badly wounded. Mostly he did what was most needed. He just sat quietly keeping company with those healing or soon to pass.

Walt noted how so many soldiers North, and South were so young. So painfully young. Drummer boys still children frontline troops 15 to their early 20's. These were farming boys both sides. They in a maelstrom he said "beyond their tender imaginings."

Walt Whitman was witness to the actual battles. "The thunder, and bedlam" of it all he said. In his journals of the war he wrote, "The truth of this war will never be written in books."

True.

So true for that war, and any other.

"~A~"

Laying here in my healing bed eating apple slices things occur to me. Such as Angels smell like new cars,...to some. For others it's fresh baked bread or Spring. It all depends.

"...fucked"

Recovery Notes:

The Chaos of Triage.
"No need to make angry waves. The Ocean does that on it's own."

Surgery:
"I now have nine little piggy's, and the legs they're attached to.
...so far."

Treatment:
"I want Quiet Privacy my Intimate Dignity.
I want to go home."

Now:
There, and back Again.
"My dreams are haunted, but my friends make me laugh."

"...pantaloons"

Brooklyn's Moon @ 1:56am January 19th 2019~CE.

Taking these simple measurements gives me kinship to Galileo.

His first telescopes, and my simple camera

having the same rough resolution.

I think he'd really get a kick out of our robots 

drag racing around Mars. 

That, and the Hubble would blow his pantaloons off.

"...you ain't getting shit"

Missed X-Mas, and all related noise. 

I was busy puking blood, and shitting myself!

Hospitals are unique fun.

Below song is my sincere attitude about the whole thing. 

Nobody's getting shit!

The whole fucking world is drowning in blood, and shit so shove them fruit cakes up ya ass.

"...cost"

Every Dream has a Price.

We pay it Willingly.

"...how I live with Depression"

I sit I write I watch old Star Treks on Netflix. That, and fast forward through their made for cable movies. They annoying, and suck, and all have the same endings. I can't eat sugar because it'll kill me. Nearly lost a leg to diabetes. So no cookies cake chips or even popcorn.

So I stare, and munch on salt-less crackers or apples.

This as I see our republic commit suicide. Otherwise I'm fine with my depression. Fine with my meds fine with vomiting all the time, and being in pain.

I just wish it would snow.

A big snow lasting days. A double whammy storm like we used to get that just won't stop. I just wish this neat shit would dump on us. This so I could calmly watch from  my window. Watch, and slowly fall asleep to the snow.

All swirling whipping at the trees days of snow.