They gave me a serious workout while I was in hospital yesterday. This trying to figure out why I was in such agony distraught, and generally fucked up. If they found cancers or anything with a short shelf life I wanted no treatments. No chopping bits off or gutting me.
I just want to go home.
I refused permission for the regular floorshow. Just pain management will be fine thanks. I was questioned about this. They asked if I wanted to speak to my surgeon. One piped in,...perhaps the Chaplin?
That did it.
"Thanks" I said "...if you're finished can you prescribe the meds because I'm going home now."
I was told this was an "...unhelpful attitude".
"For who",....asked I.
More tests more trying to talk me into letting them cut me up. More me saying thanks,...but no thanks. One Doc was somewhat understanding said she understood. That, and there's so far no clear evidence of any malignancy. "...but we have to be thorough."
The other doctors just wanted to get with their program. Them wonks assumed I was just another frightened old guy begging Jebus, and wanting to hang by my bloody finger nails to every second of this crappy life. ...a lot of that in them places.
As the kids used to say, "Not!"
My "unhelpful attitude" again. I also wanted to tell some of these children that I have dirty socks older than them so they should be taking 'my' advice about life.
Otherwise everything is fine.
Btw I hear that Muller thing was a waste of time. No surprise. Fuck it. I'm thinking of becoming a collaborator, and buying a red cap.
This since it's clearly the wave of the future.
Looking for a "Blacks for Trump" t-shirt as well.
Love you always Uncle!
ReplyDelete"I have also The Bible of Hell, which the world shall have whether they will or no."
-William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, 1790
You're absolutely right. Nice of them to want to cut into you and all, but no thanks is No Thanks. It'll do them good to learn that not everybody is afraid to split this crappy planet.
ReplyDeleteZ
They're not used to people wanting to live other than survive. These past three years I've been in hospitals a lot.
ReplyDeleteI got the program.
Most of the inmates especially the old fucks are terrified,...literally, of their end. I confirmed this endless times in conversations with them.
Indeed the all expressed amazement at my attitude of "fuck it they ain't cutting me up or hooking me to machines" to my last moments.
I've not met 'one' that would refuse being tortured to their very last moment,...so long as they're alive to scream in agony.
All this has made my opinion of regular people fall to the basement.
These oblivious gleeful folks are trapped in religion bigoted incurious of the world semi-to completely illiterate superstitious, and blindly trust authority figures.
How the fuck did this happen.
I suppose I live in literate bubble. I'm used to people that read know a bit of the universe, and so one can have a sort rational conversation with.
With the other guys...nice though some are. The subjects for discussion tends to peter out after pussy as they call it, ball games, pussy, Jebus, pussy, violent movies, money, and pussy.
The ladies are slightly different. They kept asking me if I was married had grand kids or was interested in them. ????
I will not miss being on their planet,...make no mistake it's 'their' planet. The rest of us hide in it's corners.
I have to agree completely Sid, this is 'their' planet. Indeed, how the fuck did this happen.
ReplyDelete"Doctors are no more to be trusted than lawyers or real estate agents." -J. G. Ballard, S.F. Eye, 1991
Bigot Planet, Prude Planet, Planet Prejudice: these are my epithets for the world we share with the other talking monkeys. Not Earth's fault as such, of course.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a convinced materialist, but now I'm not. I don't think death is the end; I think there's a spiritual world. But if there's only oblivion, then as Alan Watts said, there's nothing to be afraid of - nothing at all.
Maybe a morbid fear of death is something our society generates needlessly. Despite all the pussy talk, it certainly does that with sex.
Z
I am a Holy Man and quote my guru thus:
ReplyDelete“One must practice erotic acts while remaining aware that sensual delight is an approach to the divine. There exist no taboos or restrictions concerning the variants of eroticism.”
“When one encounters evil signs, one must, using appropriate gestures, exorcise the bad spell. Sighting monks and priests is a bad omen since they claim to renounce the divine experience of pleasure in the name of dubious moral values.”
-Sadhu Shambhudasa
ReplyDeleteMales sexual views have nothing to do with the divine. They'd just as soon rape a woman. Ever heard straight men talk in the raw about sex...it goes there.
The culture of men is vile.
This is why I never wanted to be one. Not a woman either, but not a man. 'Been looking for another way all my life.
Gays,...as opposed to Queers are similar. I remember the random impersonal culture of anonymous gay sex. It was held in esteem.
Even as liberating.
This is when I left the movement.
BL's were being criminalized Dykes had gone to man hating, and gays became anti-romantic. Eschewing affection for anonymous butt fucking.
We were telling ourselves this was Liberation.
Btw all this mayhem was the precursor to the AIDS Pandemic. Some choose not to remember what a perfect vector for the AIDS virus that impersonal heartless sexual chaos was.
Even before it hit some sane Queers worried.
Fucking is supposed to be good. Holy.
Those that are kindly gentle, and sweet about it tend to end up isolated unwanted dead or in prison.
Violent assault, and rape are universal because it's fun for most kinds of men. They either to do it or dream it. Porn all kinds reveals their dreams of it.
The object no matter gender age type is just meat, and often abused chained humiliated. Straight, and Gayfantasies are full of this.
Have you seen much loving kindly porn,...even BL sorts. You have not. Mostly it would never sell. Men are trained not to like it. The buyers wouldn't understand it. "...where's the action?!"
"...where's the action".
Is what I was asked when I did a slide shows of my Angel, and Faerie young Sissy Boy ink drawings. I'd post them to illustrate, but it would be deleted. So terrifying in their gentleness are they.
This is also why I stopped making the rounds of the gay art shows back in the day. Because I got this question every time.
Guys all kinds really like objectification humiliation or fantasies of violence.
Among gays even BL there are a few artists that had affection as the core of their work. Von Gloeden comes to mind. Ralph Chubb, Hajo Ortil who did the "Canoe Pirates" nudist series some few others as well.
They had love in their hearts when they did their work.
"Tom of Finland" art sums up the real taste. ...Google him. leather torture rape beatings.
Cold impersonal,...meat.
There's something profoundly wrong with this.
Something wrong with men,...all of us.
Ommmmmmmmmmm...
Delete1960's dial tones sounded like that.
ReplyDelete"Ommmmmmmm,..."
The Buddha works in mysterious ways.
I actually don't want to leave the Earth.
ReplyDeleteIt's just as it is I may not miss it really that much. As for other realms beyond this mess. As Peter Pan said.
"Death?"
"Death,...that would be the Greatest Adventure of All!"
"Fucking is supposed to be good. Holy.
ReplyDeleteThose that are kindly gentle, and sweet about it tend to end up isolated unwanted dead or in prison."
There is definitely something to this. It's not abuse that people hate, not at all - that's just a smokescreen. It is love and tenderness, specifically, that are reviled.
Z
Men on a primal DNA level just don't like loving kindness. Makes them itchy annoyed uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteGiven a choice between torturing a puppy or watching a puppy get slowly shredded. Given that or say sitting in a ideal field meditating.
It's curtains for Fido.
Nevertheless, it is love and tenderness on the part of men that are hated, including by a good many women.
ReplyDeleteZ
P.S. - Sadhu Shambudhasa sounds like my kind of guru. I'll have to look him up.
ReplyDeleteZ
Perhaps in my enthusiasm for the End Times,...mine at least. I overlooked males that have a knowing of loving kindness. As I posted once. The kindness gene in men is real. There are such people.
ReplyDeleteIt's just that when young they get pushed aside in mating competitions by more aggressive males or unwanted by extraverted females. So that trait is much more slowly passed on.
These sorts of lads are traumatized for life or outright killed.
I imagine many here that had similar boyhoods. As I further posted, "...it may take another 20 to 40k years for the trait of generous kindness to be universal.
That's the good news.
However we're in the middle of multiple extinction level events. Many species very likely us as well are on the way out."
We just may not have the time needed to change.
If not for the hostility towards the kindness gene in human culture we'd have been there long ago. Near 40k more years of cruel mayhem is the price we will pay for that if we survive.
Here's a link to some of that neat "Shadu" stuff.
ReplyDeletehttps://allaboutheaven.org/observations/the-means-of-achieving-spiritual-experience-shaivism-12-don-t-hurt-and-compassion-022584/221