“…high octane”

From my Pandemic Journals as I posted them last year, and this on FB.

A year ago today June, 2020.

“Day 96.  Weeping. I’ve been actually weeping. Not just those one or two tears weepy, but weeping. Yesterday, and today,…last week, and last month. I haven’t done this since my brother passed, and before that many years ago when my parents passed on directly one after the other over just months. Environmental cancers.

My reasons for this state are much the same as yours. These times past times my life your life our lives the world, and the awful cruel boring grim irrational routine we accept as normal.

I guess it’s the accumulative effect of my 70 years in this republic of such brutal contradictions. Now topped off with our Pandemic, and our never to end race wars. I am weary of them both. That’s all. 

So I sit by my window taking in the early Summer sun. Listen to the wind the rumble of the police choppers the unending ambulances the cops cars the yelling. Mind you things might change a bit maybe for a while. It’s happened before may again. I don’t know, and I begin not to care. 

I’m holding up the best I can. Just like everyone else. This is perhaps selfish. It is not a plea for anything. It’s just what I feel. My FB friend Di is so right. I am a high octane Drama Queen."