"...shit"

Rough Spring these days. I'm really just wasted tired fed up angry nuts resentful. Then I get in a bad mood. It'd grey cold wet then it's too fucking bright too warm, and smelly as the winter's trash decomposes all around us.

Yeah the heat will burn that off soon enough, but fuck it all. Wish I were still an active drug addict it would really pass the time well. As it is I'm in the inactive reserves of that army. I asked my doc what am I still doing alive?

This when I was hauled in again a few weeks back.

I got the usual offer of meds, and the Chaplin,...I wanted to fucking slug'em.  'But I wanted to go home not to jail or the nut house. Crap I can barely walk always tired annoyed behind with the rent, and I just got Jury Duty.

That should be fun.

Meanwhile the world continues with all of it's oblivious shit. Casual cruelty meanness well in fashion. Compassion is illegal now I think. 
At least that's what it seems by universal behaviors. 

This is also fine with me. 

All that false humanity, and love, and caring stuff was all shit anyway,...no one really believed in it.
Lately I question if I ever did. I mean for really real did.

I may not have.

'Been thinking if I could survive homelessness again. 
This also may be coming,...fuck it.
Last time I was younger in good health, and still had my job. Many options despite the horrors. This time around my life would be measured in weeks a month tops. I wouldn't be surprised if it were just days.

It would be a relief.
As I asked my doc above, "...what am I still doing alive?"

Considering the body count of family, and pals all around me,...well.
Too bad they don't have those death suites like in Soylent Green. 
Ya know your favorite meal a movie a blowjob, and lights out.
We should have had them by now. 

Science fiction as always gets it. 
They foresaw the need for them generations ago.
A population of useless mouths in a world economy of scarcity. 

Yeah of course they'd make sense. Social Services should have been offering this since the 1980's. I hear a few Nordic countries have finally got round to it. At first for the seriously ill, and now the harassed elderly like me that just want to leave.

The good thing is these nations are not hampered by Jebus, and his faithful. Whose institutions refuse to give anyone a quality of life existence, but nevertheless force people to stay alive to suffer.

This makes Jebus smile.

Take nothing for granted out there. Because you're going to lose everything no matter how careful you are. 
You're going to lose everyone you loved all the places you hung out your career your pals your position your dignity, and then you're going to be stuck alive to enjoy all of that.

I was careful as hell I had position purpose dignity, and friends. Hell being on the fucking radio I even had fans.

I have nothing now. I just want to leave, but don't have the means because everything in this system that took everything away insists I stay alive.

So Here I am,...you entertained?