"An Angel for Willem Arondeus"

"An Angel for Willem Arondeus"

Willem Anrondeus, was a Homosexual Dutch artist author, and anti-Nazi fighter who destroyed the Amsterdam Public Records Office to hinder the Nazi identification of Jews.

He was later arrested tried convicted, and executed. His last recorded words were, "Let it be known that Homosexuals are not cowards".

I hope to be as brave.

(...ahem, I did the Angel.)

                  

 

"...appeal"

Despite my objections the year continues.

Of course I shall file an appeal.

"Alive"

Strange as it seems I'm still Alive.

"Mars"

At last!!!

My ticket to Mars arrived today!

I'm da Fuck Out'a Here!!!

Dinosaur bones litter the Martian rocky plains.

Seems this is where them guys originally came from.

"Who Knew?!"

"Carravan"

Old White Texas Immigrants happy to murder approaching New Brown Texas Immigrants.

Everybody's ancestor in this country if you're not Native or Black was an Immigrant. A tradition we have is the old immigrants never welcome the new ones. 



Ask anyone of Irish heritage. Ask anyone of southern or eastern European background. Once these groups were not considered white,...google it. 

Asians the most recent to graduate to white status. 

In 50 years Hispanics...the ones everyone wants to keep out will be white as well. However Natives will still be Natives, and Blacks Black. My point is that eventually everybody except those two groups eventually become white. That is they enter the American main stream. 

So my feelings about this latest feared, and hated bunch coming in is mixed. This since their grand or great grand children will be giving me shit like everyone else. 

Btw as for the group coming up. 

Things ain't so peachy. These folks more, and more are being attacked by gangs police, and now soldiers along the way. So not that many may make it. 

Some not sure of the number are turning back. 

Woman are being kidnapped for the sex trade kids going missing for the same thing likely. Also with the Army ordered to the border plus hostile vigilantes,...well. Those that do show up will not get in. 

So sleep easy. At least that part of your white America is safe.

"...despite"

The 21st century is a nightmare. #45 is by his own words now a White Nationalist. It looks like some of us are gonna be shoved into ovens. So until I'm blown up some chimney. I dream of the past. 

Both real, and imagined.

The 1950's despite fears of Atomic Annihilation, and Segregation was way more fun. How I remember the flying cars.

Oh what a time we had.

"...quiet"

This is a memorial to the truth that real facts matter:
Over a third of Americans now don’t believe that over 6 million Jews were killled in the Holocaust, but on 2 July 1942, 82 children from Lidice -- a small village in Czechoslovakia -- were transferred to the Łódź Gestapo office. Those 82 boys and girls were then transported to an extermination camp at Chełmno 34 miles away. They were gassed shortly after their arrival. This remarkable sculpture by Marie Uchytilová commemorates them.
—What you ignore you empower. 

"...dread"

Hi gang. Hope everyone is holding up on this terrible day. Grey windy rain. My grandma would say "...when it rains it means the Angels are crying". Tears an ocean of tears for our world as it is.

I listened to the wind. The last of the storm rattling my windows. The traffic outside the spin on the TV. I looked a little at the online static of this murderous day. It's what you'd expect. Most in horror some celebrating, and deluded conspiracies seasoned throughout.

I mostly today just sat. Was quiet. Not angry. Sad, but a different kind of sorrow. A deep one with dread. 
We are at the edge of the Pitt. 
Grim talk, but here we are. 
Is it naïve to hope, and say we should pull back?

Stand fast my friends.

"Einsatzgruppen"

American Nazi Einsatzgruppen,...Jew Hunters are officially encouraged, and loose. All this week a Nazi nutter sent Bombs to decapitate the leadership of this country's opposition party. 
13 bombs to former Presidents a Secretary of State heads of Intelligence News commentators elected officials the works. 

The maniac pushed over the edge by the demented rhetoric of the current President of the United States of America.

Today another Nazi was pushed to act by #45. 
He thought #45 didn't go far enough. #45 wasn't going after the main enemy. So he did. He killed 11 Jews at worship. 

Eleven shot dead six wounded including four cops. He yelled "All Jews must Die" as he shot into the crowd.
In Charlottesville they chanted by torchlight, "...Jew will not replace us."

What the fucking fuck am I supposed to say to do what can any of us do. This was inevitable. The country is toxic, and the highest levels of our government stoking the fires. 
The bombs this shooting is laid at #45's feet.

You had better Vote. 
Vote like your life depends on it...Because it fucking Does!

"...words"

About writing composing online. As a reader you're witness to the initial idea, and the beginnings of it's editing. 
Over time you may notice a word altered a phrase moved a whole paragraph rebuilt or disappeared. To return as just a word.

Some writers are like scientists pushing the far frontiers of the knowable. Others like myself struggle with long division. 

However we are colleagues in our sincerity.

"...Brushed"

Dawn this am. An early Nor'easter is tearing through the Emerald City. Rain winds hints of sleet. My windows rattle things skip bounce down the streets driven by this unexpected storm.
"One thousand shall fall at thy right ten thousand at thy left,....or words to that effect. "Yet no harm shall come thee."

Ain't that some Shit.

So many times I should have bought it, but didn't. Like some grunt at Troy Gettysburg Stalingrad or Hue. 
As my late Viet-vet brother said,... 

"Bullets fly by your head like pissed off wasps." 
"You don't give a fuck. You just do your job."

"You just do your job." You live your life till you don't. The Angel of Death has brushed by I don't know how many times.
Grabbing everyone but me. 

Till he does.

So wondering this dawn wondering the why, and what of my years. 
No there is no point not in the sense we need. 

We just live, and do.

Until we don't.

"20 Years"

Trinity Church 9/11 Night 2012

This eleven years after the attack.

The radio station I worked for is four blocks from Ground Zero.

I literally saw, and heard 

the beginning of this 20 years long War.

I hope to be here for it's end

"Observatory"

The Moon from my Window Observatory early this Morning.

"Sanity"

Pray for Sanity, and Kindness then Work like Hell for It!

"My Secret Life"

21st Century American Poverty,...Elder Division.

Since retirement I have lived five years in poverty. American poverty not world standard poverty. 
If it were that I would be long dead. However here's what I learned from American poverty.

One uses a pen till it's out of ink. The more inventive have figured out how to refill ball point or felt-tipped pens.

You wash your things in the bath tub not the laundry. Except for large things like quilts. For these one saves like for haircuts. Sometimes for weeks even a month or two. The little civilized things you did, and took for granted are gone.

You must internalize that to survive. 

For example light.  Use electricity only when you must. ...and only for a few minutes. You now use candles. I suggest the religious votive kind. Not for spiritual reasons. Use them because they are large thick glass encased, and long lasting.

Yes this is rationing. 

Everything in your life now has to be rationed. 
Disposable income , and what it gave is now gone. 
You must accept that you will never have it back.

Public transit even with the Elder Card is expensive.  Remember you don't even have pocket change most of the time. ...Walk.

As for your food this is for the rest of your life rationed. In my case I began only eating solids every other day. 
I experimented with three meal-less days but became very ill.

Really,...don't do that.  

Also the government supplements which are very grudgingly given, and meant to last a month,...don't. Yes you will sometimes eat at church pantry, and yes Soup kitchens. That is if you want to stay alive. 

Your dignity is an early casualty of poverty if it's new to you. 

Though I find it interesting how well one survives without it. 

Speaking of dignity. I remember asking a relation for help with food. I was in fact begging. Hunger does this. Also I have Diabetes. This bloats, and shrinks you. I made the mis-judgement of begging while in a bloated phase.

I was told, "...but you're fat you don't need anything."

I didn't explain the Diabetic cycles. The humiliation of asking was bitter enough. Though I admit this is all a really annoying off putting trail of tears for those not on it. 

...or beyond imagining it.

I remember being human. Being a person. Having all my needs secure. I remember just going about my business paying my own way. So yeah I get it. ...sorry to ask.
Imagine being still around after a big War. When all you have is all you will ever have. 

"All you will ever have"

Sewing. You will learn to sew, and get good at it. You will very rarely have new things. So you will repair what you have well. 

The problem is as I found. Most modern made apparel only lasts one at most two seasons. 

So years of hand washing, and sewing will wear them out.

The material becomes thinner than the thread you're repairing them with.  

I've made shirts meant to last six months last three to five years. However that's as far as they can go. Except for jeans these last decades. Though even they need constant attention.

There are other things. Things that gave me comfort that are gone for the rest of my life. I used to love browsing, and buying books. One new book is three meals. That's the new math of your existence.

I can hear the republicans out there.

"GET A JOB YOU LAZY SHIT!"

I'd love one. 

Not only for the money, but to be a person among people again. Some elders have found some employment. I've tried for years. I even have another lead at the moment. 

However these peter out or if they pay off last days at most. The longest was as a folder in a laundry. I lived almost like a person for four months. What I saved kept me civilized for a long time.

About dignity. 
I was a broadcast engineer even head of my department. I had position responsibility respect a life.

Then I retired. I was lucky I became a worker in an old laundry.

I was a folder in a shabby laundry elbow to elbow with people that never had real jobs no real career were born into poverty are still in it, and will stay in it.

Compared to them I'm ashamed to post this.

Unlike them I had a middleclass life for most of my life. However our kind of society being what it is. It's so very easy to lose that very quickly.

The elder part doesn't help.

Here I whine,...earned the right by now despite the life I had. One so much more complete than my former laundry co-workers. Still I earned a bit whining. However they still get the Gold.

When you become old you are going to be poor. 
Especially now. In 40 years it might be better, but I doubt it. When you are old, and poor you are a nuisance an embarrassment to everyone. So you learn to stay to yourself.

When things become desperate you must weigh the humiliation of asking for help from others or the government. I no longer ask. I just did, and never will again. I was very grateful, but...

I actually want my dignity.

More as I live, and watch.