"Fuck You Santa"

Dear Santa,

I'm writing to you to let you know I've been very naughty. Especially when I was young. At the time I used massive amounts of drugs jerked off constantly. Conspired to overthrow the government sucked more cocks than I can remember. Bought tons of porn voted for communists published Queer 'zines full of insane poetry, and all sorts of naked people. That, and I ate, and drank heavily every chance I got.

My only regret is that I'm now too fucking old, and sick to still be doing this shit,...although I still try from time to time. I gleefully did all this mayhem, and tons more that I'm now too gaga to remember.

You fucking evil judgmental Nazi shit eating elf buggering republican racist sexist bucket of pigs vomit. I wouldn't take a present from you even if you promised me a roast ham covered in cocaine, and sprinkled with diamonds.

*...No wait I'll take that shit,...fucking give me 'two' I earned them Hams!

Otherwise Eat Shit, and fucking Die you evil tool of oblivious consumerism!

*...and a "Merry Christmas I don't think".

*(...famous line from "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians".)